What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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