i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
