You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
