Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
