She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
