After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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