I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
