somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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