I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
