You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
