Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
