Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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