your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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