i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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