I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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