you guys were way drunker than both of me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
