I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
