I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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