Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
