i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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