I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
