I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
