you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
