My sheets look like a crime scene.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They took my balls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
