I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
