sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
