Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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