I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
love makes seman taste better
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
