You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
