Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
