It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like eating out sand paper
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
try to milk me bitch
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