I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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