The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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