I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
