Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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