I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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