i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
