i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
