he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
