soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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