what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
