in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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