It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
