I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
