You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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