I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
