Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
