God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
