The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
