1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
