then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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