i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
